It’s the eve of a great holiday. All of the people and children across the Americas have just woken up to greyed skies and allergies.
I wake up to my girlfriend’s little dog (Violetta) licking my nose and rolling in my bed. The dog likes being on the bed because she’s not supposed to be there and she licks my nose because she wants her food in the morning. Also, she hates me.
We’re mortal enemies.
If you look closely you can see the hell-fire in her eyes
I pour myself a cup of coffee and think to myself…
Gee wizz, I have no future and I’m a giant loser with no plans. Also my bank account is negative (very important detail.) I might as well make a Rust API that does nothing useful because the best thing for this world is another coder who has no idea what they’re doing.
Why use Rust? Because, why would I use a tool that is famously easy to use and reliable (like ruby on rails or .net or spring) when I can feed my ego with something stupidly difficult and elitist like whatever unfinished crate I can find in rust? I think we have our answer. Let’s just use the hardest tool we can come up with for the brownie points.
Then, On some lunch hour 6 months from now, I can boast about this annoying project while my colleagues roll their eyes and endure my insufferable crap. A year from now I’ll drink a beer and ask myself why I don’t have any friends.
Step 1 — Try to find reasons why this is impossible
Might as well hit a brick wall before we even get started. The easiest way to avoid work is to… avoid doing the work. A smart person told me one time that Turing completeness means the tool can do anything. (this is mathematically proven.) But, I routinely ignore smart people and try to delude myself into thinking I might know better.
Rust is a super young language so surely, it’s missing some key features, right?
Alright so Let’s just use google to see if we can avoid this…
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
It looks like… it might be possible, but I’m not totally convinced. Let’s click on one of these links and then scroll to the bottom of the article to see if we can find more damning evidence.
The second link has a working demo. Crap. Looks I wont be able to tell my boss this is impossible, and therefore must do work.
#satire #rust #api
